Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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