I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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