sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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