I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The Olympian is in my bed
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
