This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
