I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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