Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My liver just broke up with me...
nutella sex= disaster
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
