Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
