remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
