Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
