why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
