Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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