i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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