You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
