Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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