I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Randomize