Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
