i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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