I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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