I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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