can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
