this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
