I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
