Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
