i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
