Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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