I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
