i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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