Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
