I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
