so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
