We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I forget how to act sober
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