WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
