The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize