Is it because I queefed?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
