she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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