i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
