can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
