she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
