I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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