i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
