i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
