So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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