last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
