defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
