i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
