I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
