I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
