I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
