those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
