You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
