you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Life is so much better after having sex.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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