Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
