i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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