Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
