You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
