dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
