At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
