I skipped work to stalk him.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my being single is dangerous.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
