giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
