after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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