I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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