Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
