My nipple is on Facebook.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Can you bring me the toilet please
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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