My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
