Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
