I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
