Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
