i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
