Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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