her vagine was all disorganized.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
