I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize