I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
