you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just gift wrapped bread.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
