just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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