I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
