Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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