i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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