I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize