i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
