Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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