Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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