please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
