If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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