I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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