I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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