somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
