Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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