I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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