Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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