you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
