he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
