yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
