I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
