Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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