so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
