My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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