she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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