Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
