I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
