he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
