Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
im on a boat
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