We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
