Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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