When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
