If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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