You're completely useless in the revolution.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
