More tranny stories later!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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