ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
