Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize