my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
