Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
